UK Athletic Dept Employment Ad: FILLED

Wanted: Basketball coach. Must be single with no kids. Totally devoted to UK Basketball with an unhealthy passion for the sport. Must be able to text message with the fastest thumbs in America. Must be willing to work 20 hours per day. Must be willing to spend every single waking moment of every day thinking about basketball either recruiting or coaching or making a relationship that will be beneficial to the program. Must have a southern accent. Must be humble. Must believe that this is the best position in college basketball. Must not be fearful of high expectations.
"Please Welcome Your New UK Basketball Coach, Billy Clyde Gillispie!"
“I’m so excited about being here,” Gillispie said. “I can’t wait until 7 months and 3 days when we play our first basketball game.”
He got choked up as he said, “It’s been a long road for me in terms of coaching. You just dream of having an opportunity …”
"I love spending every single waking moment of every day thinking about it (basketball) either recruiting or coaching or making a relationship that will be beneficial to the program."
"I love expectations." "You want to be at a place that expects to win every game."
"As great as the fans have been, I'm calling to call on them to take it up a notch," he said. "Let's make it impossible for anyone to come in here. We want them to leave by halftime. That's what we're going to try to make them do."
"When you have 24,000 fans, I hope all of them are coaches. I hope every one of them has the unbelievable passion like I do and that they're screaming their lungs out," Gillispie said. "I don't see 24,000 fans every single game as being tough. I see the opponent that has to play in front of that as having a tough assignment. I see it as an unbelievable positive."
UK Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart says "He's got the fastest thumbs in America." (He sends 8000 text messages a month)
7 months and 2 days - I can't wait! Great hire Mitch!!